TITLE: Ineffable
AUTHOR: Birgit Mueller
EMAIL ADDRESS: rm12908@navix.net
DISTRIBUTION STATEMENT: Archive at will.
SPOILER WARNING: Movie
RATING: PG, angst
CONTENT WARNING: MSR
CLASSIFICATION: V, R, A
KEYWORDS: Mulder/Scully romance
SUMMARY:  Ineffable (adj.): Incapable of being expressed; 
indescribable or unutterable.

DISCLAIMER: Everybody recite the disclaimer mantra.  They aren't 
mine; they're his.  They aren't mine; they're his...

This is for Pony... just a little something to keep us all from
bursting into flames while we wait for the new season and the movie
on video. <g>

====================
Ineffable
by Birgit Mueller
(rm12908@navix.net)
====================




	Words can be uncooperative and belligerent spirits.

	I believed I was a burden to him, a cross, an albatross the 
color of bright new blood.  I believed I held him back, weighted him
down with the sheer mass of a responsibility I had never asked him
to bear... never wanted him to bear.  I believed my retreat was best
for him -- for both of us.

	I was wrong.

	In five years, he has never uttered anything like the
declaration that lies now timid and fragile at my feet, a shy and
desperate secret.  He told me I saved him. *I*.  That without me, he
is somehow torn, broken, less than total.

	That he needs me.

	And still I say words are bellicose and frail... failing me
when I am most in poverty at their absence.  I cannot find a voice
that will answer him; not because I am afraid, not because I am
unsure, but because words do not exist that will reveal to him the
landscape of my heart.

	I take his face in my hands; I kiss his brow and it is
feverish against my lips, febrile and sorrowful.  I lean into him,
pressing his forehead against my own, and all I am capable of is the
dumbstruck longing that he hear this in the silence -- that the debt
he thinks he owes me is an illusion.  That I have followed him, and
needed him, and loved him so far beyond the pale, beyond the horizon,
past the barriers and the frontiers of all reason.  Beyond the bounds
of all I thought I had known and despite the cost to all that I had
loved.

	Beyond any hope of a return to the life that was mine before
it became his.

	He pulls away; he is looking at me now, and I know he can see
it in my eyes, my own grief betrayed by the molten anguish of hot
tears.

	I think he knows.

	I think it is mirrored there in his own eyes, a wordless
affirmation, the indigo darkness of an unspoken promise made long
before this moment came to pass.

	And I suddenly realize, awestruck, that there is some
unfathomable energy drawing us together, choosing here and now to
cement this bottomless, ineffable bond we share, pulling us
helplessly toward the beginnings of predestined completion.

	And I am sinking as I feel the brush of his lips against my
own.  And there are no words.

	There are no words.

-END-